One day I was reading my emails in the office when I happen to see the monthly email the corporate recruitment is sending for job openings across all sites. I saw the same position I have now in the site I was considering transferring to two years ago. The only time I was seriously looking for a lateral transfer was in January 2015 when everything that had happened for the past 16 months never crossed my mind. Well, it did though I wasn’t giving it much thought because I didn’t think of it as a possibility. Then again we all know how fate could be funny and mean at the same time, right?
As what I was saying, I wanted to move to Baguio early of 2015 for reasons my closest friends and my readers from Off the Wall knows. I was physically and emotionally drained living in the busy, crazy, fast paced life in Metro Manila for seven years. I was waiting for the right time to move somewhere else, away from the life I built here in the city. That time I wanted so much to just pack my bags and leave but for some reason, I always held back. I would talk myself out of the crazy idea of leaving a secure job and would have a thousand and one reasons of why I should not make hasty decisions. Maybe it’s not what God had intended to happen yet. Maybe in God’s perfect timing, it will.
It never happened. A bunch of things did happen but not the one I was hoping for.
Someone told me, “God sometimes give you what you really need than what you think you need. You may not see the wisdom of it now. Believe me, later on you would.” A friend also said when I mentioned the job opening to her that it wasn’t meant to be.
Seeing that email after everything had changed made me think of what God’s perfect timing really means. He knew that I would jump at the opportunity if I saw this before without thinking of the repercussions of my abrupt decision. At the back of my mind I knew that my wanting of moving away was a result of my cowardice. I was running away from things I don’t want to face back then.
In God’s time.
I throw these words away thinking that God will give me what I want in the right time but instead He taught me that what I want is not exactly what I need. I was thankful for all those second thoughts and self-arguments I had in times when I get silly and exasperated and stupid. The events in the past led me here.What I want didn’t happen. God knew what I needed and He gave me that—a surprise I will always be grateful for.
In 2014, all I wanted is to be happy. God has other plans. In 2015, I was hoping for an adventure. God gave me a rough ride that is more than an adventure. In 2016, I prayed to be blessed. God gave me more than that.
Things are different now. My priorities had changed. The way I see life is not as desolate as I once felt at one point in my life. The path I chose is not a walk in the park, it’s not perfect and it has a lot of bumps along the way but He made feel blessed no matter how tough life can get. I just have to always remember that God gave me more than what I wanted. He gave me hope and a choice.
I read once that being happy is a choice, that happiness is some sort of courage1. God gave me the choice to be happy. Joy that I thought was never possible. So I am choosing that. I am choosing joy. As to moving somewhere else, it might happen someday—only He knows when.
– wl, a.
1 Chibivy | Pixie Stargirl