a year of choosing joy

I know I am not the only person who would say that 2017 was a tough year. I went through a lot last year. I had hard decisions to make, changes I need to face, and realizations and priorities I have to focus on. Twenty-Seventeen made me almost gave up on my word. With everything it threw my face since the start of the year until the very last minute before it turned 2018, 2017 was a bitch. I don’t know what I did to 2017 but she made sure I had a tough time.

I don’t have the energy to make a monthly recap of how my year went, I’m still trying to get back on my writing mojo which evaporated at the last quarter of the year. I can’t even finish all the drafts I have on this blog, so let me make this post brief and tell you how 2017 shaped and changed me.

Patience. 2017 tested my patience in more ways than one. I had frustrations over things I couldn’t do yet or decisions I have to make that has to be done later. The year taught me to focus on things I can do now. It’s still a struggle for me to do this. When you are impatient most of your life, a year will not be enough to curve it. If only I could buy patience, I’d probably spent a fortune getting it.

Choices. I can’t count the bad decisions I made in this lifetime. I won’t say I will not be making bad choices in the future because you can’t really tell that especially on complicated matters that has to be dealt with carefully. 2017 was a year of choices, of hard decisions, and painful ones. I still can’t say whether they were bad decisions or not. What I could say is this time, I made decisions purely on my own. This time, I listened to what my head and heart say. So, if ever the choices I made weren’t the good ones, then I only have myself to blame. At the end of the day, I can always charge it to experience and hopefully not to repeat the same choice(s) again.

Love. Contrary to popular belief, I am one of the practical ones who don’t believe in the saying, “love makes the world go round.” Love can’t pay my bills and daily living expenses, right? 2017 was a year of balancing love and practicality. It also highlighted what the previous years were trying to teach me, to love myself more. It’s still a work in progress.

Motherhood. Being a mother is one of the most wonderful things that had ever happened in my existence. The unconditional love you give your child and the way kids reciprocate and show you their love are the moments I’ll ever cherish as a mother. I am not a perfect mom. I sometimes can’t help yelling at my daughter when she tends to be so makulit and when she doesn’t want to sleep yet even if it’s already past her bedtime. I’m trying to be a more lenient parent but I guess I am really the disciplinarian in this family. Terrible two is looming near, yet it feels as if it’s here now and that I have two kids.

Joy. Joy is the hardest word I had since I started One Word in 365 Days. It tested all aspects of my life and personality. It’s a hard word to maintain and achieve especially on days when all you want to do is sulk in the corner and be depressed. It was always a constant and conscious decision to choose joy. You have to because if not then you’ll be stuck to whatever you are having right now. Joy made it hard for me to choose her most of the time yet I persevered.

Even if last year was a pain in the ass, I could still say that amidst all the difficulties I had on 2017, it was still a year of constantly choosing joy.

-wl, a.

How was your 2017?

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