the struggles of a long-distance mom

As a first time mom I went through changes, challenges, and problems new to me but what makes it more difficult is I have to work on weekdays away from my child and then go home on weekends to be with her. There are rare instances too when I don’t go home one weekend to catch up and balance the other part of my life or else I’ll go crazy with stress, exhaustion and pressure from everything I am trying to juggle all at once.

I’m lucky I have my mother to look after my child when I’m not around but I still feel the guilt of not being there when she is sick or see her milestones as she grows up. I won’t say I don’t have a choice that’s why I ended up in this situation. No, I made the choice to work hours and hundred of miles away from my daughter for practical reasons. Career-wise not so much, benefits, necessity and salary—yes. Opportunities in the province is not at par with what companies offer in Metro Manila. I am working on a BPO company for almost 10 years, long before I had my daughter, it’s not an option for me to resign yet because I need the job to provide for her.

But there are really those days when I can’t tamper the feelings of anxiety, guilt and the mom-zilla in me. The nagging questions of how can I find a work-life-family balance in this kind of situation and if I’m doing the right thing or if I am a “good” mother are so hard to answer. Sometimes I just want to print that resignation letter and submit it without second thoughts. Yet, sanity is holding me back. I have my plans; I don’t see myself spending 5 more years away from my family. It’s not just the right time yet.

Whenever I feel like this, I always wonder how moms working abroad get through it. I get to spend most weekends, holidays and leaves with my child but them they only see their family a month or two in 2-3 years. Their resolve is amazing. Sometimes I envy mothers who are stay at home moms, those who gave up their careers to rear their children. Every family is different, I know that—it’s just that when this feeling of inadequacy is gnawing me, I get consumed of self-doubt and questions.

The struggles of a long-distance mom are tougher than the struggles of a long-distance romantic relationship and the irony of this is, I do both.

w.l, a.

One scene from the movie Shift resonates with me:

TL: Let’s have a brief introduction. Tell us your name and one thought that makes you happy. I’ll go first. My name is XXX and my happy thought is my partner and future hubby baby James.
Teammate 1: XXX. Family.
Teammate 2: XXX. My child.
Teammate 3: Trevor. Food.
Teammate 4: Estella. RESIGNING.
TL: …
Teammate 1: …
Teammate 2: …
Trevor: …
Estella: Joke lang! Money. Lots and lots of money!

ME: DITTO (on both resigning and lots and lots of money).

 

Advertisements

10 Replies to “the struggles of a long-distance mom”

  1. Hats-off to a mom like you! 🙂 Everything pays off anyway 🙂 whenever you see your daughter smile and laugh makes everything so worth it! I felt the same way when I ran away from home last year and it made me realize things, people and situations like yours to appreciate everyone in your life more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sobraaang nakakawala ng pagod kapag dumadating ako ng Friday night at yayakap si bagets na parang hindi lumipas ang ilang araw na di ako nakita. Although, dindeadma niya ko lagi sa videocall. Hahaha.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. every mom has their own struggles I guess. Ako ate kahit na sahm ako, minsan feeling ko na kulang parin ang naibibigay ko, minsan din naman sobrang pagod na ako na pakiramdam ko sana may iba naman akong magawa sa buhay, minsan din naisiip ko na kung nagtatrabaho ako, baka mas marami akong maiprovide sa mga anak ko. Pero nakaabang naman ako sa mga ig stories mo, palagay ko naman na everytime kasama mo si Flamie, sinusulit mo. At sabi nga diba, hindi naman yan sa quantity kundi sa quality 🙂 Cheer up at knock on wood tayo sa maraming pera 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung kakayanin kong mag sahm. Natry ko naman magstay ng mga 2 weeks na bakasyon, hinahanap ng katawan ko ang trabaho. hahaha. Kaya bilib din ako sa mudrakels na tulad mo. 🙂

      Most women in my family kasi are breadwinners, so parang pakiramdam ko, hindi ko kayang wala akong sariling pera. Hahaha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oo, ako rin di ko akalaing kaya ko oero kinaya ko haha. Hindi ako sanay magwork pero di ko rin gusto yung naka stock lang sa bahay. Pero heto na to, wala na akong magagawa haha!
        Malay mo in time may dumating sayong opportunity at pwede ka na mag wahm 😊

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s