it wasn’t for me

As I was walking along the corridors of BGH, seeing the condition of the wards, the patients and everything else, I thought I would miss the setting, the job, and the profession but instead I sighed out of relief that this is not my workplace. I realized after 9 years since I graduated and passed the board exams that this job wasn’t really for me. Continue reading “it wasn’t for me”

flamie’s first birthday

Emeged. It’s been a year since my life was changed forever. She was just a little bundle of joy twelve months ago now I would soon have a toddler running around the house and will surely try my patience with her tantrums. Where did time go?

My daughter turned one a few weeks ago.

Given how forgetful I am these days, I won’t remember if I ever had planned a party before, looking back, I guess I never did so imagine how it was planning a DIY birthday party for less than 30 days. Yes, it was crazy.

Continue reading “flamie’s first birthday”

i can’t say goodbye

i tried
so many times
just thinking of the days when you’re not there
it’s makes me crazy

how can i say goodbye?

you keep me sane in the wee hours of the morning
when i have a call in the middle of the night
you keep me awake
you fire up my neurons when i feel so sabaw

how can i say goodbye?

i cannot give you up
i would crave for your taste
the creaminess
the aroma
and the happiness you bring
i can’t go on days without you
now tell me

how can i say goodbye, coffee?

calm your heart

calm your heart and accept what you had lost. what you didn’t choose. you chose your head over your heart. you argued that love cannot give you a future alone so you chose what you think is best. calm your heart and do not regret anything. stop second-guessing your decisions. you made a choice. you have to live with it. you have to accept what you have now. stop asking questions you don’t know the answers to. do not make your life complicated again. live the life you chose. calm your heart and let it go. you might not see the wisdom of it now but know that God doesn’t let things happen without a reason. trust the path you chose. trust that God has a plan ahead of you. let go of the wheels. let Him be the driver of your life. calm your heart and make peace with your head. you may still at times have those moments of what ifs but strengthen your resolve. strengthen your heart. there is no bargaining now. you are way past that. maybe in time things will change. maybe in time you’ll get the answers to your questions. maybe in time you’ll see the wisdom of where this is going. maybe in time you won’t feel this anymore. maybe in time you won’t write things like this again. maybe in time the peace you want from the very beginning will come to you. calm your heart and choose joy. happiness is a choice. so make the choice. make the effort. and in time you’ll feel fine. there is no maybe in it. calm your heart and forgive yourself and then let time do its job.

sunday currently | 02

when emotions go unchecked

Being busy forces you not to think beyond what you usually face everyday but being busy does not make it go away. Sooner or later the things you are running away from will catch up on you. The emotions that were left unchecked for a time resurfaces and you’re suddenly overwhelmed of bottled up thoughts, questions, and emotions and whatever things that will come up your mind that you haven’t thought of for a while.

Welcome to my Sunday.

CURRENTLY

Reading A Conjuring of Lights by V.E. Schwab. I’m done reading it a few days ago. I haven’t opened my Kindle yet to look for a new novel to read. I’m actually waiting for someone to lend me A Clash of Kings because I’m in the mood of reading a book with a lot of deaths in it.

Writing a post of what I want to say but does not really write anything that is close to what I want to say. If that makes sense.

Listening to Ed Sheeran’s All of the Stars.

Watching  Trolls. I have a baby at home so it’s either an animation movie or Baby TV the whole day.

Thinking of things I don’t want to think about.

Smelling the smell of summer and stress. If such exists.

Wishing for something that only a Fairy Godmother could give me.

Hoping for a calm heart, mind and soul and pocket.

Wearing my usual get up when at home.

Needing rest and rest and rest and rest and rest. Did I just say rest?

Feeling emotionally drained and stressed. Hello, weekend.

-wl, a.

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i hate you George

you killed them all

Dear George,

I don’t know what GoT into me why I ever decided to read your first book in GoT. It took me years dodging your books. I should have continued doing that because look where it GoT me, frustrated over the characters you killed. I don’t have to warn others that this letter contain spoilers since I am so late in reading this. I know majority have watched the series and are now waiting for Season 7 so I’ll just lay everything out in the open.

I was hoping against all hope that you’ll spare Ned’s life. Even at the very end, I was hoping for some miracle but you fvcking killed that hope when you allowed Joffrey to cut off his head. I shouldn’t have expected, my heart bled when you let Lady died so what’s there to be shocked about right? I should have braised myself for the worst. I am so thankful I haven’t watched the complete series yet because I know I wouldn’t be able to take how graphic and gruesome the deaths of every character you killed. I do have a general idea of how they looked like, thanks to google, and I did watch until episode 2 of Season 1.

It’s not that I don’t like your book. I did. The deaths just did not sit well with me. I enjoyed how you wrote the book; I liked getting into the heads of the characters. I even understood how Tyrion thinks compared to how he was portrayed in the series. It took me 3 months to finish the first book and I even have a plan of reading all 5 books this year which I don’t think is possible but I’m not giving up on it yet.

You are an awesome writer George and GoT deserves a five star rating but I only gave it three. I know you’ll be killing more and more and more in the coming books so I’ll “try” to get my head around that and also try not to get emotionally invested to any of the characters.

Oh, if I haven’t stressed it yet—

FVCK YOU.

wl, a.

P.S Can somebody lend me the second book, please? I don’t want to read in my kindle. It’s so frustrating reading in a device when there are times you want to slam down the book. I don’t have the budget of getting a new kindle so better not to read George R.R. Martin books on devices that can break. Don’t worry, I won’t hurl it across the room or wherever. I’ll take good care of it. Belle’s book is still in one piece, I think.

Rollie, can we meet one of these days so I can borrow books three to five, please?

you are finally free

one burden gone, a few more to go

Dear Tiger Lily,

I am so happy when I heard the news that you finally let go of Peter Pan. I couldn’t believe it at first. After all the hours, days and months I’ve spent talking your ear off on why you should let go and you won’t budge. I gave up putting sense in that thick head of yours. I am so glad you bumped your head (real hard this time) and realized your worth—a little bit late, mind you, but still you are now out of that (s)hell.

It took you sometime to build the courage to do what you know you should have done a long time ago. I know how it feels to make a tough decision. I know how hard it is to weigh things and to let go of what you’ve grown accustomed to. I understand why it took this long. I am so proud of how brave you’ve been—even though the decision hurt. Even if you are still hurting and you are hell bent in denying that you are not. I’ll let you go through the healing-slash-grieving process on your own. Let’s just rejoice that you’re now free of Peter Pan. You can now enjoy Neverland since he is off to the other side of the world. You can now explore without the restrictions Peter Pan set on you. You can even leave Neverland and go visit places you’ve never been.

You can now spread your wings.

I know you are still thinking of Captain Hook and his gang and it dampens your feeling of liberty, as I said one burden at a time. You’ll get rid of that too—in the right time. Enjoy your newfound freedom but proceed with caution, okay? I don’t want you running to me again, crying your heart out over decisions done without thinking.

Don’t be like Ate.

-wl, a.

P.S. Can I be Tinkerbell?

free of the ties