As I was walking along the corridors of BGH, seeing the condition of the wards, the patients and everything else, I thought I would miss the setting, the job, and the profession but instead I sighed out of relief that this is not my workplace. I realized after 9 years since I graduated and passed the board exams that this job wasn’t really for me. Continue reading “it wasn’t for me”
Emeged. It’s been a year since my life was changed forever. She was just a little bundle of joy twelve months ago now I would soon have a toddler running around the house and will surely try my patience with her tantrums. Where did time go?
My daughter turned one a few weeks ago.
Given how forgetful I am these days, I won’t remember if I ever had planned a party before, looking back, I guess I never did so imagine how it was planning a DIY birthday party for less than 30 days. Yes, it was crazy.
calm your heart and accept what you had lost. what you didn’t choose. you chose your head over your heart. you argued that love cannot give you a future alone so you chose what you think is best. calm your heart and do not regret anything. stop second-guessing your decisions. you made a choice. you have to live with it. you have to accept what you have now. stop asking questions you don’t know the answers to. do not make your life complicated again. live the life you chose. calm your heart and let it go. you might not see the wisdom of it now but know that God doesn’t let things happen without a reason. trust the path you chose. trust that God has a plan ahead of you. let go of the wheels. let Him be the driver of your life. calm your heart and make peace with your head. you may still at times have those moments of what ifs but strengthen your resolve. strengthen your heart. there is no bargaining now. you are way past that. maybe in time things will change. maybe in time you’ll get the answers to your questions. maybe in time you’ll see the wisdom of where this is going. maybe in time you won’t feel this anymore. maybe in time you won’t write things like this again. maybe in time the peace you want from the very beginning will come to you. calm your heart and choose joy. happiness is a choice. so make the choice. make the effort. and in time you’ll feel fine. there is no maybe in it. calm your heart and forgive yourself and then let time do its job.
when emotions go unchecked
Being busy forces you not to think beyond what you usually face everyday but being busy does not make it go away. Sooner or later the things you are running away from will catch up on you. The emotions that were left unchecked for a time resurfaces and you’re suddenly overwhelmed of bottled up thoughts, questions, and emotions and whatever things that will come up your mind that you haven’t thought of for a while.
Welcome to my Sunday.
Reading A Conjuring of Lights by V.E. Schwab. I’m done reading it a few days ago. I haven’t opened my Kindle yet to look for a new novel to read. I’m actually waiting for someone to lend me A Clash of Kings because I’m in the mood of reading a book with a lot of deaths in it.
Writing a post of what I want to say but does not really write anything that is close to what I want to say. If that makes sense.
Listening to Ed Sheeran’s All of the Stars.
Watching Trolls. I have a baby at home so it’s either an animation movie or Baby TV the whole day.
Thinking of things I don’t want to think about.
Smelling the smell of summer and stress. If such exists.
Wishing for something that only a Fairy Godmother could give me.
Hoping for a calm heart, mind and soul and pocket.
Wearing my usual get up when at home.
Needing rest and rest and rest and rest and rest. Did I just say rest?
Feeling emotionally drained and stressed. Hello, weekend.
one burden gone, a few more to go
Dear Tiger Lily,
I am so happy when I heard the news that you finally let go of Peter Pan. I couldn’t believe it at first. After all the hours, days and months I’ve spent talking your ear off on why you should let go and you won’t budge. I gave up putting sense in that thick head of yours. I am so glad you bumped your head (real hard this time) and realized your worth—a little bit late, mind you, but still you are now out of that (s)hell.
It took you sometime to build the courage to do what you know you should have done a long time ago. I know how it feels to make a tough decision. I know how hard it is to weigh things and to let go of what you’ve grown accustomed to. I understand why it took this long. I am so proud of how brave you’ve been—even though the decision hurt. Even if you are still hurting and you are hell bent in denying that you are not. I’ll let you go through the healing-slash-grieving process on your own. Let’s just rejoice that you’re now free of Peter Pan. You can now enjoy Neverland since he is off to the other side of the world. You can now explore without the restrictions Peter Pan set on you. You can even leave Neverland and go visit places you’ve never been.
You can now spread your wings.
I know you are still thinking of Captain Hook and his gang and it dampens your feeling of liberty, as I said one burden at a time. You’ll get rid of that too—in the right time. Enjoy your newfound freedom but proceed with caution, okay? I don’t want you running to me again, crying your heart out over decisions done without thinking.
Don’t be like Ate.
P.S. Can I be Tinkerbell?
i repeat “fley•mi”
If you can’t still say it right, here’s how you should read/pronounce it:
FLEY • MI
It irritates me to no end whenever someone mispronounce my daughter’s name. I often hear people say it as FLA • MI, sounds as the “fla” in flower. I know her name is unusual but if you can’t read it correctly, you can always just ask me, right? *makes face*
There was even a time when I was talking with an agent over the phone for her health card, I already said the name as “fley • mi” only to hear her read it back as “fla • mi”. If I were the agent’s QA, she’ll surely get a mark off on active listening. I know there are people who would ask how I say it first but there are others who will not. This rant may sound absurd to you, but believe me you’ll understand me if you have a difficult name to pronounce or you are a mom.
Here’s the latest picture of the little girl at ten months in pigtails, telling you how to say her name correctly:
nakakaumay politics sa Pinas
Nakakaloka ung ibang comments ng mga netizens na tuwang tuwa sa pagkaalis nila Senator Drillon, Pangilan, Aquino and Hontiveros from their key posts. Matanong ko lang, magbigay nga kayo ng naipasang law ni Manny Pacquiao?
Hindi ako Dilawan, nor will I claim Pro or Anti-Duterte but this move is veeeeery pasipsip and very politically motivated. Pansariling kapakanan iniisip ng majority ng asa posisyon ngaun. Ayaw ng dissent, alisin ang mga kontra.
Democracy is at risk and people who blindly believe and follow Duterte don’t realize what is happening with this administration even if the warning signs are right in front of their eyes.
Will they still cheer kung lugmok na ang ekonomiya ng Pilipinas, we’re under martial law, at kapareho na tayo ng gobyerno ng pinakamamahal na China ni PDUTs? I will not remove the credit for the good things this administration did. I believe some of the government departments are working their asses off to make a change. But will the good outweigh the negative this administration is doing?
Inuulit ko, hindi ako or Pro or Anti Duterte. How I wish these social media personalities stop labelling or coloring people based on what they believe in. Hindi ba pwedeng maging Pro-Pilipinas na lang tayong lahat? Nakakalungkot na nakakainis tumambay sa Facebook ngaun. Puro kabwisitan lang mababasa mo.
Gising, kababayan. Nakakatakot na. Baka magising na lang tayo isang araw, bawal na ang Facebook, Twitter at mga blogs na gaya nito. Hindi ka na pwedeng magcomment ng against sa gobyerno. Wala ka ng boses. Wala ka ng palag.
P.S. I originally posted this on Facebook. I was afraid to publish it here. Natakot ako. Natakot akong magaya sa mga Pilipinong naglakas loob maglabas ng hinaing sa gobyerno noong Martial Law. Hindi ako ganun katapang. Pero heto ako ngaun. Alam ko hindi ako nagiisa. What is happening to the administration now, to the different chambers of the government, it’s scary. Today is a dangerous time but we are still a democratic country. Let’s not stop fighting for democracy.
Let me leave you with words said in the movie #Angelito: (Disclaimer: Photos are not mine.)