As I was walking along the corridors of BGH, seeing the condition of the wards, the patients and everything else, I thought I would miss the setting, the job, and the profession but instead I sighed out of relief that this is not my workplace. I realized after 9 years since I graduated and passed the board exams that this job wasn’t really for me. Continue reading “it wasn’t for me”
when emotions go unchecked
Being busy forces you not to think beyond what you usually face everyday but being busy does not make it go away. Sooner or later the things you are running away from will catch up on you. The emotions that were left unchecked for a time resurfaces and you’re suddenly overwhelmed of bottled up thoughts, questions, and emotions and whatever things that will come up your mind that you haven’t thought of for a while.
Welcome to my Sunday.
Reading A Conjuring of Lights by V.E. Schwab. I’m done reading it a few days ago. I haven’t opened my Kindle yet to look for a new novel to read. I’m actually waiting for someone to lend me A Clash of Kings because I’m in the mood of reading a book with a lot of deaths in it.
Writing a post of what I want to say but does not really write anything that is close to what I want to say. If that makes sense.
Listening to Ed Sheeran’s All of the Stars.
Watching Trolls. I have a baby at home so it’s either an animation movie or Baby TV the whole day.
Thinking of things I don’t want to think about.
Smelling the smell of summer and stress. If such exists.
Wishing for something that only a Fairy Godmother could give me.
Hoping for a calm heart, mind and soul and pocket.
Wearing my usual get up when at home.
Needing rest and rest and rest and rest and rest. Did I just say rest?
Feeling emotionally drained and stressed. Hello, weekend.
nakakaumay politics sa Pinas
Nakakaloka ung ibang comments ng mga netizens na tuwang tuwa sa pagkaalis nila Senator Drillon, Pangilan, Aquino and Hontiveros from their key posts. Matanong ko lang, magbigay nga kayo ng naipasang law ni Manny Pacquiao?
Hindi ako Dilawan, nor will I claim Pro or Anti-Duterte but this move is veeeeery pasipsip and very politically motivated. Pansariling kapakanan iniisip ng majority ng asa posisyon ngaun. Ayaw ng dissent, alisin ang mga kontra.
Democracy is at risk and people who blindly believe and follow Duterte don’t realize what is happening with this administration even if the warning signs are right in front of their eyes.
Will they still cheer kung lugmok na ang ekonomiya ng Pilipinas, we’re under martial law, at kapareho na tayo ng gobyerno ng pinakamamahal na China ni PDUTs? I will not remove the credit for the good things this administration did. I believe some of the government departments are working their asses off to make a change. But will the good outweigh the negative this administration is doing?
Inuulit ko, hindi ako or Pro or Anti Duterte. How I wish these social media personalities stop labelling or coloring people based on what they believe in. Hindi ba pwedeng maging Pro-Pilipinas na lang tayong lahat? Nakakalungkot na nakakainis tumambay sa Facebook ngaun. Puro kabwisitan lang mababasa mo.
Gising, kababayan. Nakakatakot na. Baka magising na lang tayo isang araw, bawal na ang Facebook, Twitter at mga blogs na gaya nito. Hindi ka na pwedeng magcomment ng against sa gobyerno. Wala ka ng boses. Wala ka ng palag.
P.S. I originally posted this on Facebook. I was afraid to publish it here. Natakot ako. Natakot akong magaya sa mga Pilipinong naglakas loob maglabas ng hinaing sa gobyerno noong Martial Law. Hindi ako ganun katapang. Pero heto ako ngaun. Alam ko hindi ako nagiisa. What is happening to the administration now, to the different chambers of the government, it’s scary. Today is a dangerous time but we are still a democratic country. Let’s not stop fighting for democracy.
Let me leave you with words said in the movie #Angelito: (Disclaimer: Photos are not mine.)
i want a work from home job, parefer naman
One of the things I scratched from my To Do List when I was putting up this blog is to forget about post memes. I used to have a lot of them on my previous blog because it makes the blog organized especially when I am covering differen topics. I grew tired of boxing everything I write in memes.
So why do this now, you ask? To fill in the space of this blog of course. I’m such a lazy bum when writing these days. I know, I know, I know, I have to build an audience blah, blah, blah—that’s why I’m doing this now, right? As always, don’t expect this to be a regular shenanigan in WLA, just whenever the mood strikes.
Reading Game of Thrones. Yes, finally after years of avoiding GoT, here I am. Can somebody lend me the second book? I’m nearly done with the first.
Writing several blog posts that I hope to finish writing. Like this one.
Listening to my daughter talking my ear off. Babbling vowels, yelling, laughing, and saying dadadaddy all the time. Say mummamyy, daughter!
Watching a number of qAmerican Series, the ones that were on season break for the holidays last year. Done with the first half of Teen Wolf’s Season 6 and the latest episodes of The Flash Season 3. I’m about to continue where I left off with Arrow Season 5, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow Season 2, Magicians Season 1 and 2.
Thinking of what to cook for the next two weeks, of the replacement nanny for my daughter, the household biweekly budget, and baby supplies.
Smelling Baygon’s residue. Hindi ako adik ha? Nagspray lang kasi malamok. Charot.
Wishing I was on a paid vacation, travelling somewhere, hitting the beach, a day without thinking of diapers, milk, budget and stressful work related tasks.
Hoping to get a replacement nanny soon. It’s hard to find a lasting nanny these days. The breed of kasambahay today are not long term material anymore (a few months, if you’re lucky, half a year) unlike the nannies we had back in the 90s – 00s. The shortest stint for a nanny then is 2 years. The longest one we had was 7 years. My nanny, who is about to go, is nice and approachable. Her husband is badgering her to go home to take care of their kids which left me with no choice but to let her go. I asked her to give us time to get a new one before she leaves and I’m glad she agreed. I hope we can get a replacement very soon so all of us can be happy and move on with our lives.
Wearing a comfy pambahay.
Loving Mobile Legends. HAHAHAHA. Deymit, it’s a good stress reliever and a bonding thing I have with beau.
Wanting a new job that will allow me to work from home and that pays well. I don’t have to face traffic every day and I get to see and be with my child most of the day. I might not even need a 24/7 nanny for her then.
Needing a good rest, massage, and a long weekend. I need sleep. With the unpredictable work schedule I have right now and sleeping with my child at night, I need all the sleep I can get.
Feeling tired, worried, and more. Hay. Given all the problems I have to face recently, it’s a challenge to choose joy. My word for this year is proving to be such a difficult word to achieve. Ohmeged, and we’re not even half through the year!
she’s being a bitch
This used to be my favorite month because it’s my birthday month but this year proved otherwise. She’s being a bitch and a major pain the ass. Oh, I can’t wait for January to end.
whispers to self, “grace to choose joy”, repeat
To be fair, my woes for this month started before 2016 ended when my previous nanny didn’t even have the grace to properly tell me she doesn’t want to stay working for me anymore. She only sent me a text message on the 29th of December to look for a replacement when in just a few days I would need to go back to work. I was very pissed. I would never hinder her if she wanted to work somewhere else, all I ask is for her tell me in advance if she doesn’t want to stay anymore so I could look for a replacement before she leaves. If she told me earlier and not with a very short notice, I would have been less agitated and furious. Imagine the stress I had at the beginning of the year thinking of where would I leave my daughter when I have to go work. It was a hellish two weeks.
To add to the stress, office work is not being friendly with all the changes that needs to be implemented immediately. (*drops head on my desk*) Then when I came back to the province to get my daughter, I found out she was sick. We had to get her checked and was on antibiotics for a week. Again, I had to adjust my work schedule to be with her. A few days ago, my phone gave up on me. Yesterday, my eyeglasses broke.
What. The. Hell. January.
Despite of those not so nice events for the past weeks, I know there are a lot of things to be grateful for. I’ll try to list it down:
- I found a new nanny. Hopefully better than the last and with delicadeza this time, please.
- My daughter is well. She recovered easily and is back to being makulit.
- My boss was very understanding with my situation and I was able to have leaves with pay.
- Work is still stressful. I can’t change that but it gave me a new perspective and goals in the future.
- I got a new phone (which is a year overdue).
- I had a new frame for my eyeglasses (a year overdue too).
- The expenses for travelling from the province to work and all my unexpected purchases put a hole on my pocket. I still have work to get those back. It would just take a few more months to save up, again.
- I get to spend time with my parents and siblings longer for the holidays and our town’s fiesta.
- Spent my 30th birthday with them.
It wasn’t all bad, right? I know there are people who are having more problems than I do. Harder struggles. Greater priorities. There are far more things I have to be thankful for even if this year started not very well.
Writing helped. Putting my emotions and thoughts into words made me feel better. We still have a week before January ends but please, please let me have a break.
Thank you Lord for listening when I rant whenver I feel like I can’t take it anymore. Thank you for always reminding me to choose joy and for giving me the grace to do that in Your name.
well, except for me?
I was very conscious with my age when I was in my early to mid-twenties. Like any other young adult, every passing year then makes me feel literally old. At some point in my late twenties, I finally embraced the idea that age is just a number but I still fret whenever I think about turning 30.
I turned thirty a few days ago.
I am not fond of birthday celebrations so that day passed like any other regular day apart from the not so normal notifications I get on Facebook. Nothing really changed lately except maybe for my weight because once you reach the mid-twenties bench mark, your metabolism changes and you have to watch out for whatever you eat because you don’t burn those calories as fast as you used to.
It was the first time though that I made an effort to spend the day with my family. If my birthday is on weekdays, I would most likely be in the office but since this fell on a weekend and the brouhaha I have to endure with my previous nanny stressed me to levels that I should only feel when I’m at work, I deserve a freakin’ break so I said to my mom we’ll have a swimming party on my sister’s birthday. Hah, that confused you ‘no? My youngest sister was born a day before my birthday while our bunso was born 3 days after New Year and most of the time our birthdays fall on the same week. We decided to have one party for the three of us to save time, money and effort.
I tried to think of my life for the last ten years but after all the anesthesia I had when I gave birth I can’t remember exactly what I want to remember. All I can say is, the past ten years was a tough ride. There are things I haven’t experienced that normally single individuals do in their twenties. As a young professional my priorities back then was to support my family. We aren’t born affluent. I have siblings to send to school, bills to pay, and a life to live as comfortable as I could. My twenties weren’t bad, probably not as remarkable like some if we are to put it in a CV, yet it was colorful. It’s a series of achievements, failures, successes, disappointments, heartaches, love, friendship, local travels, health, work and family issues, and a baby. I can’t remember the little things like how many times I changed phones and numbers or even list down the places I visited because, hello, old age. The past years were challenging but I get by, I know, better than most and I have God to thank for that. He never gave up on me even if at one point I gave up on him.
There are things I haven’t done that I hope I’ll be able to do in my thirties even if my priorities are different now. Thirty is a new life for me. A new beginning. My young adult years made me strong, brave and mature though there are still a lot of room for improvement like losing all the fat I have now.
Must. Practice. Control.
(looks at that delicious cake, *cries in the corner)
If someone asks, I’m forever twenty-eight. Ganern.
Ola ariba, Trenta!
life and my love for writing
As I’ve mentioned on my old blog, Off the Wall, I’m taking a break from writing and I wouldn’t be using Off the Wall anymore when I get back. After months of my self-imposed semi-online hiatus, I feel like I’m ready to go back to the online world—though maybe not very much.
I wasn’t really totally gone from the net. I’d been a lurker in various social media sites. I know what’s going on around me, whatever viral post is up there, new movies, new books, current events. I wasn’t a total hermit. I still have the occasional Facebook status update, tweets and Instagram post. I just don’t have the energy to engage with anyone online. I was, in some way, offline most of the time. Reachable but unresponsive.
What changed then? A little of everything.
For the past months my sole focus is to put my life back together. I was juggling work, house chores, financial plans, baby and all sorts of domestic stuff, and motherhood all at the same time. It was chaotic for the first few weeks and I thought I won’t get my footing with where my life was at that time.