Emeged. It’s been a year since my life was changed forever. She was just a little bundle of joy twelve months ago now I would soon have a toddler running around the house and will surely try my patience with her tantrums. Where did time go?
My daughter turned one a few weeks ago.
Given how forgetful I am these days, I won’t remember if I ever had planned a party before, looking back, I guess I never did so imagine how it was planning a DIY birthday party for less than 30 days. Yes, it was crazy.
calm your heart and accept what you had lost. what you didn’t choose. you chose your head over your heart. you argued that love cannot give you a future alone so you chose what you think is best. calm your heart and do not regret anything. stop second-guessing your decisions. you made a choice. you have to live with it. you have to accept what you have now. stop asking questions you don’t know the answers to. do not make your life complicated again. live the life you chose. calm your heart and let it go. you might not see the wisdom of it now but know that God doesn’t let things happen without a reason. trust the path you chose. trust that God has a plan ahead of you. let go of the wheels. let Him be the driver of your life. calm your heart and make peace with your head. you may still at times have those moments of what ifs but strengthen your resolve. strengthen your heart. there is no bargaining now. you are way past that. maybe in time things will change. maybe in time you’ll get the answers to your questions. maybe in time you’ll see the wisdom of where this is going. maybe in time you won’t feel this anymore. maybe in time you won’t write things like this again. maybe in time the peace you want from the very beginning will come to you. calm your heart and choose joy. happiness is a choice. so make the choice. make the effort. and in time you’ll feel fine. there is no maybe in it. calm your heart and forgive yourself and then let time do its job.
Being busy forces you not to think beyond what you usually face everyday but being busy does not make it go away. Sooner or later the things you are running away from will catch up on you. The emotions that were left unchecked for a time resurfaces and you’re suddenly overwhelmed of bottled up thoughts, questions, and emotions and whatever things that will come up your mind that you haven’t thought of for a while.
Welcome to my Sunday.
Reading A Conjuring of Lights by V.E. Schwab. I’m done reading it a few days ago. I haven’t opened my Kindle yet to look for a new novel to read. I’m actually waiting for someone to lend me A Clash of Kings because I’m in the mood of reading a book with a lot of deaths in it.
Writing a post of what I want to say but does not really write anything close to what I want to say. If that makes sense.
Listening to Ed Sheeran’s All of the Stars.
Watching Trolls. I have a baby at home so it’s either an animation movie or Baby TV the whole day.
Thinking of things I don’t want to think about.
Smelling the smell of summer and stress. If such exists.
Wishing for something that only a Fairy Godmother could give me.
Hoping for a calm heart, mind and soul and pocket.
Wearing my usual get up when at home.
Needing rest and rest and rest and rest and rest. Did I just say rest?
Feeling emotionally drained and stressed. Hello, weekend.
I don’t know what GoT into me, why I ever decided to read your first book. It took me years dodging your books. I should have continued doing that because look where it GoT me, frustrated over the characters you killed. I don’t have to warn others that this letter contain spoilers since I am so late in reading this. I know majority have watched the series and are now waiting for Season 7 so I’ll just lay everything out in the open.
I was hoping against all hope that you’ll spare Ned’s life. Even at the very end, I was hoping for some miracle but you fvcking killed that hope when you allowed Jeoff to cut off his head. I shouldn’t have hoped, my heart bled when you let Lady died, so what’s there to be shocked about, right? I should have braised myself for the worst. I am so thankful I haven’t watched the complete series yet because I know I wouldn’t be able to take how graphic and gruesome the deaths of every character you killed. I do have a general idea of how they looked like, thanks to google, and I did watch until episode 2 of Season 1.
It’s not that I don’t like your book. I did. The deaths just did not sit well with me. I enjoyed how you wrote the book; I liked getting into the heads of the characters. I even understood how Tyrion thinks compared to how he was portrayed in the series. It took me 3 months to finish the first book and I even have a plan of reading all 5 books this year which I don’t think is possible but I’m not giving up on it yet.
You are an awesome writer George and GoT deserves a five star rating but I only gave it three. I know you’ll be killing more and more and more in the coming books so I’ll “try” to get my head around that and also try not to get emotionally invested to any of the characters.
Oh, if I haven’t stressed it yet—
– wl, a.
P.S Can somebody lend me the second book, please? I don’t want to read in my kindle. It’s so frustrating reading in a device when there are times you want to slam down the book. I don’t have the budget of getting a new kindle so better not to read George R.R. Martin books on devices that can break. Don’t worry, I won’t hurl it across the room or wherever. I’ll take good care of it. Belle’s book is still in one piece, I think.
Rollie, can we meet one of these days so I can borrow books three to five, please?
I am so happy when I heard the news that you finally let go of Peter Pan. I couldn’t believe it at first. After all the hours, days and months I’ve spent talking your ear off on why you should let go and you won’t budge. I gave up putting sense in that thick head of yours. I am so glad you bumped your head (real hard this time) and realized your worth—a little bit late, mind you, but still you are now out of that (s)hell.
It took you sometime to build the courage to do what you know you should have done a long time ago. I know how it feels to make a tough decision. I know how hard it is to weigh things and to let go of what you’ve grown accustomed to. I understand why it took this long. I am so proud of how brave you’ve been—even though the decision hurt. Even if you are still hurting and you are hell bent in denying that you are not. I’ll let you go through the healing-slash-grieving process on your own. Let’s just rejoice that you’re now free of Peter Pan. You can now enjoy Neverland since he is off to the other side of the world. You can now explore without the restrictions Peter Pan set on you. You can even leave Neverland and go visit places you’ve never been.
You can now spread your wings.
I know you are still thinking of Captain Hook and his gang and it dampens your feeling of liberty, as I said one burden at a time. You’ll get rid of that too—in the right time. Enjoy your newfound freedom but proceed with caution, okay? I don’t want you running to me again, crying your heart out over decisions done without thinking.
If you can’t still say it right, here’s how you should read/pronounce it:
FLEY • MI
It irritates me to no end whenever someone mispronounce my daughter’s name. I often hear people say it as FLA • MI, sounds as the “fla” in flower. I know her name is unusual but if you can’t read it correctly, you can always just ask me, right? *makes face*
There was even a time when I was talking with an agent over the phone for her health card, I already said the name as“fley • mi” only to hear her read it back as “fla • mi”. If I were the agent’s QA, she’ll surely get a mark off on active listening. I know there are people who would ask how I say it first but there are others who will not. This rant may sound absurd to you, but believe me you’ll understand me if you have a difficult name to pronounce or you are a mom.
Here’s the latest picture of the little girl at ten months in pigtails, telling you how to say her name correctly: