all over the place

i am sorry if i’m getting on your nerves. i hate myself too when i get so irritating and uncaring and mean. especially lately. when my hormones is all over the place. i know it feels as if it’s an excuse but it is what it is. the mini pill is a bitch. and so was i. words can’t tell you enough how remorseful i am for being this way. for feeling this way. for feeling unwanted. so i snapped because, like you, i was afraid, i was anxious, i was angry. i am not myself. i am not like this. and it takes an ample of self-awareness to see that. to accept that i am on the wrong. is the pill to blame? partly. you might not believe it but i couldn’t explain why i am so moody these days. why i feel depressed and anxious and easily angered, with or without a reason. i’m sorry for screwing your head. if i made you feel whatever you are feeling right now. i know deep within me, i am not like this. only now. i hope after i get my hormones back to normal, i’ll get back to my normal self too. though you have to remember, i am not perfect. i am complicated, unpredictable, unreasonable and irrational at times. i am a difficult person to love. and like you, i am afraid  someday you’ll get fed up and just give up. i don’t always express my feelings. i don’t always tell you how important you are. how you’ve become a permanent part of my life. in case you don’t know it yet, you are. and a lot more.