I was feeling low when I woke up today thinking of the day ahead, of the plans I have to fulfill, of the things I want to do, of how hard it is to get a part time home based job, of my frustrations on my financial obligations, loans and credit card bills I have to pay, of the hindrances I am facing before I get to relocate, and how I want to be debt free in an instant. I was thinking, am I depressed? Maybe yes. Or not. I was feeling out of sorts until I saw the state of the informal settlers along East Bank Road on my way to work this morning. Continue reading “; #keepgoing”
i am sorry if i’m getting on your nerves. i hate myself too when i get so irritating and uncaring and mean. especially lately. when my hormones is all over the place. i know it feels as if it’s an excuse but it is what it is. the mini pill is a bitch. and so was i. words can’t tell you enough how remorseful i am for being this way. for feeling this way. for feeling unwanted. so i snapped because, like you, i was afraid, i was anxious, i was angry. i am not myself. i am not like this. and it takes an ample of self-awareness to see that. to accept that i am on the wrong. is the pill to blame? partly. you might not believe it but i couldn’t explain why i am so moody these days. why i feel depressed and anxious and easily angered, with or without a reason. i’m sorry for screwing your head. if i made you feel whatever you are feeling right now. i know deep within me, i am not like this. only now. i hope after i get my hormones back to normal, i’ll get back to my normal self too. though you have to remember, i am not perfect. i am complicated, unpredictable, unreasonable and irrational at times. i am a difficult person to love. and like you, i am afraid someday you’ll get fed up and just give up. i don’t always express my feelings. i don’t always tell you how important you are. how you’ve become a permanent part of my life. in case you don’t know it yet, you are. and a lot more.