on days that i miss you
the times when i want to hug you
when a phone call, a chat or a video call
can’t calm my aching heart
i’ll look up at the sky
and say to myself
that even if we are apart
we see one moon
one sunrise and sunset
and until the day
when you are the last i see when i close my eyes
and the first i lay my eyes on when i wake up
i’ll content myself with the thought
that we are always
under the same sky
i am sorry if i’m getting on your nerves. i hate myself too when i get so irritating and uncaring and mean. especially lately. when my hormones is all over the place. i know it feels as if it’s an excuse but it is what it is. the mini pill is a bitch. and so was i. words can’t tell you enough how remorseful i am for being this way. for feeling this way. for feeling unwanted. so i snapped because, like you, i was afraid, i was anxious, i was angry. i am not myself. i am not like this. and it takes an ample of self-awareness to see that. to accept that i am on the wrong. is the pill to blame? partly. you might not believe it but i couldn’t explain why i am so moody these days. why i feel depressed and anxious and easily angered, with or without a reason. i’m sorry for screwing your head. if i made you feel whatever you are feeling right now. i know deep within me, i am not like this. only now. i hope after i get my hormones back to normal, i’ll get back to my normal self too. though you have to remember, i am not perfect. i am complicated, unpredictable, unreasonable and irrational at times. i am a difficult person to love. and like you, i am afraid someday you’ll get fed up and just give up. i don’t always express my feelings. i don’t always tell you how important you are. how you’ve become a permanent part of my life. in case you don’t know it yet, you are. and a lot more.
calm your heart and accept what you had lost. what you didn’t choose. you chose your head over your heart. you argued that love cannot give you a future alone so you chose what you think is best. calm your heart and do not regret anything. stop second-guessing your decisions. you made a choice. you have to live with it. you have to accept what you have now. stop asking questions you don’t know the answers to. do not make your life complicated again. live the life you chose. calm your heart and let it go. you might not see the wisdom of it now but know that God doesn’t let things happen without a reason. trust the path you chose. trust that God has a plan ahead of you. let go of the wheels. let Him be the driver of your life. calm your heart and make peace with your head. you may still at times have those moments of what ifs but strengthen your resolve. strengthen your heart. there is no bargaining now. you are way past that. maybe in time things will change. maybe in time you’ll get the answers to your questions. maybe in time you’ll see the wisdom of where this is going. maybe in time you won’t feel this anymore. maybe in time you won’t write things like this again. maybe in time the peace you want from the very beginning will come to you. calm your heart and choose joy. happiness is a choice. so make the choice. make the effort. and in time you’ll feel fine. there is no maybe in it. calm your heart and forgive yourself and then let time do its job.
I don’t know what GoT into me, why I ever decided to read your first book. It took me years dodging your books. I should have continued doing that because look where it GoT me, frustrated over the characters you killed. I don’t have to warn others that this letter contain spoilers since I am so late in reading this. I know majority have watched the series and are now waiting for Season 7 so I’ll just lay everything out in the open.
I was hoping against all hope that you’ll spare Ned’s life. Even at the very end, I was hoping for some miracle but you fvcking killed that hope when you allowed Jeoff to cut off his head. I shouldn’t have hoped, my heart bled when you let Lady died, so what’s there to be shocked about, right? I should have braised myself for the worst. I am so thankful I haven’t watched the complete series yet because I know I wouldn’t be able to take how graphic and gruesome the deaths of every character you killed. I do have a general idea of how they looked like, thanks to google, and I did watch until episode 2 of Season 1.
It’s not that I don’t like your book. I did. The deaths just did not sit well with me. I enjoyed how you wrote the book; I liked getting into the heads of the characters. I even understood how Tyrion thinks compared to how he was portrayed in the series. It took me 3 months to finish the first book and I even have a plan of reading all 5 books this year which I don’t think is possible but I’m not giving up on it yet.
You are an awesome writer George and GoT deserves a five star rating but I only gave it three. I know you’ll be killing more and more and more in the coming books so I’ll “try” to get my head around that and also try not to get emotionally invested to any of the characters.
Oh, if I haven’t stressed it yet—
– wl, a.
P.S Can somebody lend me the second book, please? I don’t want to read in my kindle. It’s so frustrating reading in a device when there are times you want to slam down the book. I don’t have the budget of getting a new kindle so better not to read George R.R. Martin books on devices that can break. Don’t worry, I won’t hurl it across the room or wherever. I’ll take good care of it. Belle’s book is still in one piece, I think.
Rollie, can we meet one of these days so I can borrow books three to five, please?
I am so happy when I heard the news that you finally let go of Peter Pan. I couldn’t believe it at first. After all the hours, days and months I’ve spent talking your ear off on why you should let go and you won’t budge. I gave up putting sense in that thick head of yours. I am so glad you bumped your head (real hard this time) and realized your worth—a little bit late, mind you, but still you are now out of that (s)hell.
It took you sometime to build the courage to do what you know you should have done a long time ago. I know how it feels to make a tough decision. I know how hard it is to weigh things and to let go of what you’ve grown accustomed to. I understand why it took this long. I am so proud of how brave you’ve been—even though the decision hurt. Even if you are still hurting and you are hell bent in denying that you are not. I’ll let you go through the healing-slash-grieving process on your own. Let’s just rejoice that you’re now free of Peter Pan. You can now enjoy Neverland since he is off to the other side of the world. You can now explore without the restrictions Peter Pan set on you. You can even leave Neverland and go visit places you’ve never been.
You can now spread your wings.
I know you are still thinking of Captain Hook and his gang and it dampens your feeling of liberty, as I said one burden at a time. You’ll get rid of that too—in the right time. Enjoy your newfound freedom but proceed with caution, okay? I don’t want you running to me again, crying your heart out over decisions done without thinking.
you wade through it
even if it hurt
you move on
you wake up every day
go through the motions each day
laugh with friends
cry in the corner
and then laugh some more
no matter how crappy you feel
or how crazy you think
you are alive
you might think it doesn’t seem much
but you’re still breathing
you have a life
just with a broken heart
it feels different
like something is missing
like there is a gaping hole where your heart once was
but deep inside you know it’s an excuse
because even if you don’t accept it now
at the end of the day
you know that life
doesn’t start when heartaches end
it just goes on